Monday, January 23, 2017

March of the Vaginas-

Let me preface this by saying I didn't march over the weekend. I had to work, had to provide for my two little girls, had to do my hustle..

What I won't do is shame those who have, which I see a lot of you women doing. Shaming women for fighting for their rights AND yours, while being belittled by you. How hard it must be to face adversity while those you fight for are cutting your legs out from under you. 

I am the poster child for an early 30s American girl. I have young children, and abortion couldn't be a choice for me and my emo heart and deep sense of guilt I feel. That's personally how I am, and unashamed of it. HOWEVER, my ego is never overbearing enough to believe my personal beliefs should be force to the point of exclusion onto anyone else.  I believe everyone should be allowed to live their own life, let it mold you and change you, for better or worse. A dichotomy like that is the heartbeat to democracy. To everything. 

I love the spirit of protesting. I love the passion of believing in something enough it moves you and turns you into a megaphone for its platform. We forget this country was sought out on persecution and birthed in the midst of a riot (you know, dumping everyone's shit in Boston Harbor).  240ish years later we are still persecuting. Does that not worry you?! That as a society our growth has been mostly nothing? 

So I want to say thank you. To every person who marched. Thank you for fighting for OUR rights. Cause my whole life I've had to be concerned with societies rules and regulations. If I'm too friendly to a guy will he think that I want to fuck him? If I find an outfit that I love that shows too much cleavage will I be asking to be groped while out for a night with friends? If I'm in a parking lot at night and alone will I always have to look over my shoulder? Can I run simple errands without someone commenting on me inappropriately?  And what if I'm dating someone and he forces himself onto me, that's not rape, right? 

Come on. Get real. This is fucking ridiculous and unfair to the right everyone has- to live their own true self without barriers or criticism. 

P.S.- if you are shaming this movement, I'm assuming you are close minded, washed up, and/or externally and internally disgusting. 

Monday, January 16, 2017


Things I took away from this weekend-

Electricity is the tits.

I don't computer computers at all.

If freezing rain, sleet, and ice were in a line up, I wouldn't be able to pick them apart.

I hate winter.

I like feeling as if I'm understood.

When I drink hot tea I feel like and speak as an old British woman. Like I should be bitching about Parliment- properly.

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Extrovert ego vs the introverted heart

I've always welcomed the moments to be truly introspective and self reflecting. Self effacement is a big portion of my personality, and I enjoy discovering new (sometimes awful) things about myself. I like to fall on my sword. I like to deeply dissect my fault lines, and speak on these things with kind and understanding people.

I've been lucky to have contrasting qualities to my personality and mindset. And although hard for some to read and understand, I find that I'm not alone in this advantage/curse.

So I'm going to try to navigate it, as best as I can hungover. Cause, well....booze.

10 things you gotta know about the introverted extrovert girl. We exist. Just like mermaid and unicorns.

1- She doesn't need you for much, but wants you for everything. Having an extroverted personality and mindset comes with a certain confidence and independence. She doesn't need you to do anything or be anything for her. She can create all she needs with her own hands and mind- except love. It may be the only thing she needs you for, and with an introverted heart, you have to show up.

2- She will challenge you. Not in an aggressive way, but she spends real time questioning herself.  And she likes the idea or out growing herself at every turn. Cause to evolve is to live. She desires a partner who can grit their tit in the face of chance and challenge, and pull through to the other side.

3- She knows what it means to be alone, and she likes it. She is content with herself. Not because she has all she wants or needs, but because she is forgiving of her human condition and appreciative of all moments, even the small ones.

4- she cares what you think. As a strong extrovert, others opinions don't matter much on the surface. With an introverted heart, those she lets close to her, their opinions weigh heavy.

5- she is unapologetically herself. Often displayed as bitchy or narcissistic, which couldn't be further from the truth. A dueling personality like this is a hard one to maneuver. You straddle this fine line, where one part of you couldn't care less, while the other is deeply empathetic to not let their tongue (mind) overstep their heart.

6- she is loyal. A girl with an emo heart and a forward thinking mind will find opportunity for pure bliss and stay loyal to it. They can believe in impossible things, and even believe they can achieve them, and work hard to making that hypothesis into a theory, and finally a fact.

7- they're vulnerable, if you made it this far. Once you break the shell of societal standard and parameters, they're very exposed. Like a lifetime of secrets just held right past their lips. And unveiling themselves in such a way creates an intense bond for them.

8- they're sensitive. Above anything else I've stated, they're incredible sensitive. They can feel a tilt, a change; and will often speak on it from their inherent confidence. They can also feel a deep connection much earlier than others and nurture it to full growth.

9- they're mostly misunderstood. Misunderstood by peers, friends, lovers and even themselves. Unless you have a deeply connected bond with them, they will assume you don't have a clue on how they feel or operate.

10 - they understand the importance of a true connection. For all the contrasting traits, and confusion , and overthinking- they know the beauty, simplicity, and rarity of a true connection. Everything is fleeting- but to understand the importance in the presence of something gold- that's uncommon in this digital age.

To love an introverted extrovert isn't easy, to be honest, I don't know if I personally could love someone like myself. I know what it means to be one, and I know it's an extremely passionate and thoughtful love.  And someone great told me that sometimes, the best things in love are the ones that test your limits, push you in a way you couldn't push yourself.

Maybe it's not so bad.